The French, they say, know how to enjoy the best things in life. If only they knew what mayhem precedes it every weekend as I negotiate the tricky route to the baked beans. And as I prepare for take-off on the escalator to the next floor, I ponder: how DO those magnetic wheels work on those trolleys?

Floor upon floor and row upon row of discounts, buy-one-get-one-frees, from garden tools and plastic garden chairs, to bicycles and good old tinned beans, all piled up as if Gubei had invented the multi-storey carpark, as China had paper. If there ever was a consumers' version of purgatory, then Carrefour has to be it. You are offered the choice, and boy, what a choice. And they call it paradise, if only they knew.

Washing powder. You want to be transported to lush lavender hills? Or perhaps you want to skip the chilly winter, and go straight for Spring, and enjoy the fresh pine air of the Alps. Only 30 renminbi this time, and get twice the trip for 50 renminbi if you buy two bottles.

And so, life isn't so easy for us waiguoren, you see.

We have to make tough choices, week in, week out.

Will the Claret clash with the US tenderloin, will the camembert cheese have enough time to breathe before the guests arrive? We are a fussy, fussy bunch indeed.

Life could be easier though, if only we tried harder.

The bitter cold finally given you the chilblains?

Don't wait for the spring, try a heart-warming hotpot on Yan'an Lu to melt those toes.

Will the Claret leave an indelible stain on those antique silk cushion covers? Sit in the kitchen instead, bring out the baijiu and a few warmed glasses.

Fiddling your fingers and run out of polite dinner conversation? Sorry, I can't help you there. That's a dilemma of modern-living we all face.

(Shanhai Star 03/22/2001)