Of course for Xu, his father not only gave him a kidney to save his life, but also gave him confidence, courage and love in order to help him pull through what was a very difficult time in his life.

During the three month period from diagnosis to operation, Xu's father was by his side all the time. Xu, born in 1961, is assistant manager of Jingshan Seeds Company in Hubei Province. He wrote down in his diary all the kind things that his father had done and planned to present it to his father, to show how grateful he is. The Guangzhou-based Family magazine published part of his diary in its No 4 issue this year.

'I'm dying?'

At the beginning of 2000, I got a promotion, becoming assistant manager of my company. My career was going up, but my physical situation was bad. I felt weak.

My father forced me to see a doctor in our county hospital on October 18.

After the diagnosis, doctors informed me that they could do nothing about my illness and advised me to visit another hospital. I had uraemia, a disease regarded as one of the most dangerous with a high mortality rate.

The moment I was told this, I felt desperation in my heart. For a long time, I was not willing to face my health problems. But it seemed that death was getting closer and closer to me. I was deeply afraid and filled with anxiety.

"Am I really dying?" I said to my self. "Uraemia is incurable, right? Could I get out of the operating room alive?"

I kept replaying these questions and many other thoughts over and over in my mind. When I looked around my room in the darkness, death seemed to be standing there.

Comforting all the way

"You will be OK," my father said. "Don't be afraid of the disease. You will be OK."

On the journey to Wuhan, the Capital of Hubei Province, my father, who was accompanying me, held my hands firmly all the time.

But I could feel his body trembling slightly. I know how much he cared about my health. "You will be OK, my son, I am here with you," my father said.

At that time, I knew that my father would fight the disease with me. In the Tongji Hospital, one of the most prestigious hospitals in the country, the doctor told me that I needed an urgent operation, but that it would cost a large sum of money.

The money we had with us wasn't enough. Without any hesitation, my father got back on the train to go and collect more money.

"Please prepare for the operation right now," my father said to the doctor, "I will bring enough money tomorrow."

Then he turned to me and held my hands again. "I will be back tomorrow before your operation, I promise." he said.

After the operation, my illness was temporarily under control. But because of the operation my father had much debt.

One of the most embarrassing times was when at the age of 40, I had to ask my father to help me use a catheter.

"Don't be frustrated," my father gave his timely comfort to me once again, "don't you remember that when you were a child, it was me that changed your nappies for you."

Every night, I was tortured by pain, so I had much difficulty sleeping.

All the time, my father told me nice stories. We talked about the past and about what I bought with my first month's salary!

All these stories acted as pain killers, which did temporarily ease my pain.

But most of the time I had to pretend to be asleep, otherwise my father would have been ill from lack of sleep.

To save money, my father had not booked himself a bed in the hospital. And he refused to sleep on my bed. "That will make you feel uncomfortable," he said.

My father was stubborn like that. Every night, he just dozed against the edge of my bed to let his exhausted body take a little rest.

"How can he bear it?" I asked myself, with tears staining my pillow.

Finding a solution

When my father wasn't spending his time telling me stories, he was busy looking for remedies for me.

He was always consulting doctors and asking other patients, he tried all possible means to search for relevant information.

I'll never forget the day when my father told me he had been to an Internet cafe, with the idea of doing more research. He returned and was extremely excited.

"I have found a solution!" he declared with an air of victory.

He showed me a pile of printed paper. "Oh, it is really amazing what these computers can do. The boss of the cafe is a really nice guy who helped me search on the Internet."

Then he told me his precious findings one by one, which included acupuncture treatment, qigong (a system of deep breathing exercises) and traditional Chinese medicine therapies.

Finally, he concluded that the solution was to transplant a good kidney, primarily a kidney of a relative, into my body.

"If a kidney is transplanted from a relative, the kidney is more likely to survive, and the cost is cheaper than buying one." At that moment, I saw that his face was full of hope. "I will give one kidney to you," my father said.

Stubborn father

How could I agree to that? My father is 65. According to hospital records, nobody in China of my father's age has donated a kidney before. Both my younger brother and my wife also rejected such a dangerous move.

My brother said that the kidney should be given by him, but not by my father.

There was a stalemate between my father and my family.

But my father's love for his sons made him even more stubborn.

"Why don't we buy one?" my father argued furiously. "Because a kidney costs 300,000 yuan (US$36,600), we can't afford it. Even though your brother is still young and I'm an old man, I know that I cannot let either of my sons go through more pain."

Both my brother and I burst into tears. Although we had to give in to my father's request, doctor Zeng who was in charge of my operation was opposed to the idea. He argued that my father could not stand such a big operation which was very likely to cause some aftereffects.

I don't know how my father persuaded him. Finally, Zeng decided to accept my father's decision.

But just before the operation another debate took place.

This time it was about whether to transplant my father's left kidney or the right one. My father insisted that the right one should be transplanted because it functioned better.

My father pleaded to Zeng with tears in his eyes. Finally he won the "battle" again. After that Zeng told me that I was very lucky to have such a good father.

Successful operation

My operation was a success. The doctor said that the genetic genes of my father and mine were identical which helped me pull through.

Thankfully my father is also OK. The doctors said that it will take him a long time to recover because he is fairly old.

Right now, My father's kidney is a part of my body. It's his love that has brought me through such a difficult time, and it is my father who has given me another chance of life. Thank you, Dad!

(China Daily November 5, 2001)