Wedding bliss easily turns into family nightmares
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Meanwhile, divorce means that there is also the social awkwardness of mums and dads now married to different partners. It's true when they say that you can't choose your relatives. But you certainly choose with whom to share the biggest day of your life.
That was the spirit of one friend who slashed down her vast family clan to a comparatively tiny guest list of just 72 people. Needless to say, there was plenty of tut-tutting. But not only that it was her and her husband's wedding to enjoy, but there was also the sheer cost to be considered.
In England, weddings are fun and rambunctious affairs that begin with a church or town hall ceremony and round-off with dinner, dancing and sometimes even a breakfast. The average cost? According to some estimates, in the vicinity of 11,000 pounds ($17,710).
Here in China, the rule seems to be to save face as much as possible. One colleague said while it was impossible to invite the whole company, she would certainly extend the courtesy to every person in our team. But not all agree.
One Beijing friend told me that the cost of a wedding is a mere secondary concern, since the number of red packets given to the couple should more than pay for the day itself.
While I personally don't mind being left out, I know for a fact that others do. Aunts and uncles don't forget when not invited to so-and-so's wedding regardless of whether they happen to like the niece or nephew in question.
And before you know it, one misunderstanding can evolve into a grudge that passes down the generations.
So, it is worth all the bother? Should brides and grooms stick to their principles and invite only who they want? Or should they brush away their hesitations and grin and bear it for the day? The easy solution is offered by my Indonesian cousins who, as is the local tradition, happily send out invitation cards to absolutely everyone. Weddings in that part of the world regularly number over a thousand people.
Likewise, having 1,901 guests at Westminster Abbey as opposed to 1,900 makes little difference. Though the steely decision not to include the Duchess may explain why the monarchy in the UK has survived where many others have fallen. But the bride's uncle, Gary Goldsmith, will be at the abbey despite being caught trying to sell drugs to undercover journalists.
The difference between him and the Duchess could be that his indiscretions so far have been few. He has also tried at maintaining a quiet life since. That, and owning a house named Maison de Bang Bang, means he's less a family black sheep than just a colorful one.
Forgiveness, it seems, comes in all different sizes - as my newly-engaged friends may soon be learning.
The author is a CCTV News Presenter and UNAIDS Goodwill Ambassador. james@ james-chau.com
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